Chasing The Wild Goose

Come on girls, get a clue - Part 4

Here's a comment from my wife to the post from Sally:

Sally,

I would like to post a comment as a female and a wife. I notice all the comments are from guys who, rightfully so, understand exactly how guys work, but don't seem to understand the female's heart. I understand exactly how you feel. Realizing that the man you are going to marry may occasionally look at another woman is an extremely hurtful realization. Especially if you come from a background of not understanding or never having been taught the way the male mind and body functions.

I had a similar experience. I thought that guys were pretty much just like girls sexually...except they have different parts. Not so at all. Understanding this may bring you to the conclusion that all men are disgusting sexual creatures. But, after you have time to pray and think, you'll realize that men are designed in God's image and it's a beautiful thing the way they are made to love and adore us and go weak in the knees when they see us.

You should be so grateful for a man who is so open and honest with you. You should continue to nuture that openess and make him feel that you are safe to share with. Also, realize that he thinks you are the best thing around or he wouldn't be engaged to you...and you may not always be the most beautiful girl in the room (someday you'll be nine months pregnant and trust me at that point you feel like Bigfoot in a cute mini skirt might be more attractive).

My point is I understand for women how important it is for us to be the most beautiful goddess our man has ever seen, and you are, but it's not just your great legs that make him feel that way...it's you...the whole package. He loves your soul as well and thank God for it. Beauty fades...although in our society we tend to face lift and tummy tuck that truth away, and what's important in your relationship will always be your commitment and connection with each other and God.

I do agree with my husband and I think that you both reading "Every man's Battle" would probably help you have a better understanding of where he is coming from. Also I think reading "Wild At Heart" would also help you understand the man and how you can be a good wife and completer to your husband. Blessings on your relationship and marriage.

Amy

Come on girls, get a clue - Part 3

The following comments were posted to Part 1 of Come on girls get a clue by Sally (I don't think it's her real name). I think she hit on a really important issue, so here are her comments followed by my response.

Sally said:
I'll just ask you guys out there a question!!

I am engaged to my beautiful husband to be and we have been together 3 yrs now. We were talking the other day and one of our friends came up!! She is a beautiful fun cool funky nice chick and we both get along with her, although i have to admit i have often wondered if he is attracted to her as she is a bubly type and similar to me in ways(personality}!!

The other day we were talking and I asked him if he had ever been attracted to her!!

He said that if he was to be honest i couldn't get upset so i said i wouldn't he said that he was and thought she was lovely but would never do anything, he also said that he has had sexual thoughts about her but has relised what he was doing and then stopped himself!!

He said its hard for guys not to think like that at times especially when it is chucked in their faces!!
that really hurt me eh, i acted all calm but went to my room and cried afterwards because it made me feel like i musnt be pretty enough or something// i thought guys were only meant to be into their one girl///

do u think it is better for me to just not go there i do trust him but now worry bout what he is thinking but i no that that is between him and god and i can only hope and pray that hes a good boy...

he said that he would hate any guy to think of me like that so he stopped himself from looking at our friend like that but do u understand how i am hurt my conclusion is taht its best just not to go there...
i will keep praying for him as he shared that it is hard been a christian guy with gals around at times(he works with lots a gals to}

any comments would be lovely

sally

See my (Jon's) response by clicking the link below.

Come on girls, get a clue - Part 2

Just Friends?

After much thought and serious debate (thanks Michelle R. and Eric W.) I've decided its time for a little clarification on my earlier post (click here to read part 1).

First, let me say thanks to everyone who commented, especially Steve H. and Josh S., who each took time to write short novels. I'm priveleged to have inspired such eloquent responses. I don't find much that I disagree with in either of their posts. You both said it much better than I could have. If you haven't read them, I encourage you to grab a mug of joe, sit back and enjoy (click here to read their comments).

Now that everyone is up to speed. Let's get back to what I think (that is after all, one of the key purposes of this site). Let me say again, that I stand, pretty firmly, by my original statement that 99% of single guys, 99% of the time are not interested in a purely plutonic friendship with a single member of the opposite sex. Now, before you get up in arms, let me say again, there are exceptions to this rule, but I believe they are few and far between. Let's face it, if a guy is looking for a pal, he's more likely to call a guy. I'm not saying that girls and guys shouldn't be friends, I'm just begging the girls to be aware that the guy may have more in mind than just a "friendship."

Come on girls, get a clue!

Let me start with an absolute statement (which may not be 100% true, all of the time): There is no such thing as a single guy who is interested in a deep, intimate, purely plutonic, relationship with a single girl. Every single guy at some point in the relationship will contemplate whether it could be more than just a friendship.

I am continually amazed by the number of young ladies who tell me, "I had no idea that he was interested in me that way."